Dear friend,

                I know it is difficult for you to forget about your problems. I know many people rely on you for a solution. It is not easy for you to listen all these problems and forget about you. I can see that it deeply affect you as a whole. You seem to take all other people problems as your problems. You are just adding the burden on your shoulders which I think is too much to handle. The good value that I can see in you is being kind. That's for sure. That's why people will like to look for you to solve their problems.
                On the other hand, you have your own thing to focus on in life. You have forgotten about your inner self. You may even forget your food and need.
                You are handling people's problem which show that you are selfless. This is a good value I have seen in you. However, I dislike you to be carried away by others' problem and forget about yourself. You may deny it but it is just a fact.
               In life, you need to learn to let go slowly about each and every problems. Remember, LET GO and don't carry away by it. Every time, look for ways to solve the problem and forget about it after that. You are holding every issues in your life so much that you are forgetting about yourself. Life is all about suffering. You can't bring all these problems to heaven at the end of the day. All you need to do is slow down your footstep, let go slowly this problem. Have a peace of mind everyday before you sleep. Don't hold all your emotions tightly in your inner self where you have lost your true personality. You will find inner conflict if you are being so stress about all the issues around you. Furthermore, it is not good for your health at all.
             All you need is to find true and pure happiness in you that will cherish others but not pretending all the times. Human being are sensitive towards feeling. Through your action, people can feel whether you are being yourself or not.   Find people whom you can trust and express all your feelings. Find ways to let go your anger by not hurting yourself. Appreciate each moments of life and being down to earth is important. Never feel bad of leaving your family members all alone will cause them in trouble. Perhaps, you could take it in this way, it's the time for them to learn to be independent and grow up and not to rely on you. You should take things positively and guide them along the way but not solving all their problem. As a chinese saying goes by,  “Give a man a fish; you have fed him for today. Teach a man to fish; and you have fed him for a lifetime"

Take this as the opportunity for them to live without you.  By doing this, I truly believe that you are helping them in a very constructive way. 
                That's all I wish to say. I wish that you will be able to let go thing slowly and focus on your goal. All the best to you in everything you do. Thank you.


how I wish my stomach would recover soon..
I just could not stand with this pains anymore..
it was so sudden early in the morning where i got to wake up because of the pain..
i wish the pain will leave me faster so that i can concentrate better..
i can't fall sick at the critical period when exam n assignment are all coming together..
i didn't want to rest..
i just want to fight in the battle..
with all my energy..
try my best as i could..
just to achieve one goal..
to finish my master in only one year...
that is only my aim....

           I do not expect that I would be close with a friend who is from other country. It is faith that we come to this place and meet each other.I admire his courage to leave his family and son for the purpose of education. I wondered if I have such courage to do that. 
            At the first day I added him in my facebook, I was wondering who was this guy who was being so mystery so putting a little boy picture in his profile picture.Furthermore, I wouldn't be bothered. But I found the baby picture is cute and I think that this guy must be a good father. Perhaps, all pictures in his fb are all his son photos. I was attracted by his son cute look at first. :)  He must be the one who like to dress up his son and took many photos.
              After nearly one and half months of studying,I got to know this friend closer. We have shared many experience of teaching and life. We found so many similarities in us despite of religions and races. It made me think that human being is generally the same. We share the same issues in life. 
              Today, this guy told me how much he has missed his son. It really touches my heart. Sometimes, in life we have to sacrifice something for a short period of time just for education. It remind me of the day when I left my students , I could not take it either when I left them and i knew it will be even harder for a father to leave his son for one year. This is the cruel fact that one have to encounter where he missed all the moments with his son. I am truly sad to hear and I can feel the sadness in him.
             I really hope this good friend of mine will be strong to go through all this challenging moment in his life. I pray that he will graduate with first class honor in master. I believe that he will be a successful person in the world. I wish him all the best in his life. Hope that we will keep in touch and always remain as best friend.


Dear CK,
                Today you are a real loser. Because of your laziness and not being committed in everything you do, now you have to pay the price. You lost to your own sister. She is really outstanding and smart in planning. She is really good in financial planning. All this while, you just now how to enjoy life and spending money. You have lost in everything. You siblings no longer respect you. They only respect and pretend to be filial in front of the elders. They will never tell you anything about their lives. You have lost your dignity. No one is respecting you at home. You are the biggest loser in the world. You deserve to lose because of your own behavior.
                Today, you must swear that you have to do something. That is to improve yourself. You must not let people to look down on you. You must be very strong to get thing over. You must do your very best for your future. You must not allow people to look down on you. You must determine in doing everything in life! You have no choice but to face it!! 

        I have found the feeling of being the student in university. Ever since I started studying, I was looking for it for some time. Now, I believe that I have found it. Being dedicated in my studies is my priority now.  I have found it now. I must work hard to achieve my goal with my teammates. I am blessed to be able to meet up with 2 coursemates who have the same goal. Now, I am released as things has almost settled down. THe only thing that I need to focus now is working together with my coursemates and focus in my studies. I must achieve better results and I am using my hard-earned money to study. I must not waste my money. I believe that this is a long term investment for me to be a successful lecturer in future. 

      Actually, I do miss my kids and friends back in TI and BD. However, I must not hold on my vision as I really want to pursue my studies 2 years ago. This is my golden opportunity which I have been waiting for years. I do like to be a teacher. However, being a teacher could not help me much in enriching my knowledge. I knew that I might be wrong with this statement. Unfortunately,the heavy workload had stopped me from improving myself in term of knowledge. I don't want this to happen in my life ever again. Furthermore, sacrificing too much in my work life does not pay off well as what I have expected. This truly disappointed me as it shows in my appraisal. The only thing that warm my heart was the appreciation from the students which was so touching. 
      I believe this is the time to forgive all those people who had upset me. Perhaps, I should thank them for doing thing that really made me unhappy. I knew you are trying to control me, however, you are showing me the path to another chapter of my life which is really exciting. Sometimes, we do need to fall in order to show our strength to wake up. Thank you, my enemy! You do make me stronger and leading me to a better path of my life! 

    
  

RA, truly a nightmare to me......


Have you experienced when you wake up every morning, you feet and hand are numb?
Have you experienced personally where you could hardly squat in the toilet?
Have you experienced difficulty in climbing up the stairs??

Back in 2008, I was having movement difficulty. Every morning,I felt numb on my legs and hands after I woke up. I did not know the reasons. Just knowing to force myself to wake up and ignore about it. When I walked to my workplace, I could feel that it was so difficult for my feet to move. I keep on wondering what had happened............

When I was squatting in toilet, tears would roll on my cheeks. It was unbearable for me to squat. The pain is so horrible. I wanted to shout in the toilet, but I knew no one can help. It was pointless. On the other hand,I just knew I have to face. Keep on wondering what had happened to me.....
At that moment, I understand how the disabled people felt. It really haunted me. I could hardly squat in the toilet. I would never forget the moments where tears would roll on my cheeks whenever I was in the squat toilet. It was because I could feel the pain from my knee to my feet. I could hardly bear the pain to squat. Worse of all, after I sit on the floor, I could not stand up as I used to be. I could to hold on something to get me up. It was really depressing at that moment.

Another stuffs that made me afraid was walking up the stairs. Before that, I was kind of lazy especially climbing the stairs. Since the days I was diagnosed with RA, I could hardly climb the stairs. Each steps got to be done slowly as to avoid the pain.

            

I knew I have neglected this blog for some time..I was too busy with my new life now. I am still adjusting my life as a student.

New chapter of life? I have decided to further my studies in master as a full time student. There are mixture of feelings here.

The thing that made me really happy is I am able to concentrate fully in studies without bothering about other works matter. I felt almost sick of the heavy workload in school where I hardly breath. I was extremely stress teaching in the school which was not really being appreciated from my point of view. I hate to work in such stressful environment where I felt so depressed most of the time. Now, I felt that it's time for me to empower my skills and knowledge in order to help more people in future. I have done really a lot of things all these while and I think this is the best time for me to leave. At least, I have done my duty well with achievement until district level.

On the other hand, I felt so sorry for my kids. Having the soul of teacher really made me feel bad leaving the kids alone in school like that. Some of them still need my guidance. Some of them was sad when they knew that I was leaving them. Some of them were lost..Some of them sms me telling me that no one is teaching them at the moment. I wish I really could help them. But nothing can be done.

I got to focus on my goal. I hope that they will get guidance from some good teachers one day. I wish I will be there to help them. I will always remember them. Truly miss the kids!!

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