I have found the feeling of being the student in university. Ever since I started studying, I was looking for it for some time. Now, I believe that I have found it. Being dedicated in my studies is my priority now.  I have found it now. I must work hard to achieve my goal with my teammates. I am blessed to be able to meet up with 2 coursemates who have the same goal. Now, I am released as things has almost settled down. THe only thing that I need to focus now is working together with my coursemates and focus in my studies. I must achieve better results and I am using my hard-earned money to study. I must not waste my money. I believe that this is a long term investment for me to be a successful lecturer in future. 

      Actually, I do miss my kids and friends back in TI and BD. However, I must not hold on my vision as I really want to pursue my studies 2 years ago. This is my golden opportunity which I have been waiting for years. I do like to be a teacher. However, being a teacher could not help me much in enriching my knowledge. I knew that I might be wrong with this statement. Unfortunately,the heavy workload had stopped me from improving myself in term of knowledge. I don't want this to happen in my life ever again. Furthermore, sacrificing too much in my work life does not pay off well as what I have expected. This truly disappointed me as it shows in my appraisal. The only thing that warm my heart was the appreciation from the students which was so touching. 
      I believe this is the time to forgive all those people who had upset me. Perhaps, I should thank them for doing thing that really made me unhappy. I knew you are trying to control me, however, you are showing me the path to another chapter of my life which is really exciting. Sometimes, we do need to fall in order to show our strength to wake up. Thank you, my enemy! You do make me stronger and leading me to a better path of my life! 

    
  

RA, truly a nightmare to me......


Have you experienced when you wake up every morning, you feet and hand are numb?
Have you experienced personally where you could hardly squat in the toilet?
Have you experienced difficulty in climbing up the stairs??

Back in 2008, I was having movement difficulty. Every morning,I felt numb on my legs and hands after I woke up. I did not know the reasons. Just knowing to force myself to wake up and ignore about it. When I walked to my workplace, I could feel that it was so difficult for my feet to move. I keep on wondering what had happened............

When I was squatting in toilet, tears would roll on my cheeks. It was unbearable for me to squat. The pain is so horrible. I wanted to shout in the toilet, but I knew no one can help. It was pointless. On the other hand,I just knew I have to face. Keep on wondering what had happened to me.....
At that moment, I understand how the disabled people felt. It really haunted me. I could hardly squat in the toilet. I would never forget the moments where tears would roll on my cheeks whenever I was in the squat toilet. It was because I could feel the pain from my knee to my feet. I could hardly bear the pain to squat. Worse of all, after I sit on the floor, I could not stand up as I used to be. I could to hold on something to get me up. It was really depressing at that moment.

Another stuffs that made me afraid was walking up the stairs. Before that, I was kind of lazy especially climbing the stairs. Since the days I was diagnosed with RA, I could hardly climb the stairs. Each steps got to be done slowly as to avoid the pain.

            

I knew I have neglected this blog for some time..I was too busy with my new life now. I am still adjusting my life as a student.

New chapter of life? I have decided to further my studies in master as a full time student. There are mixture of feelings here.

The thing that made me really happy is I am able to concentrate fully in studies without bothering about other works matter. I felt almost sick of the heavy workload in school where I hardly breath. I was extremely stress teaching in the school which was not really being appreciated from my point of view. I hate to work in such stressful environment where I felt so depressed most of the time. Now, I felt that it's time for me to empower my skills and knowledge in order to help more people in future. I have done really a lot of things all these while and I think this is the best time for me to leave. At least, I have done my duty well with achievement until district level.

On the other hand, I felt so sorry for my kids. Having the soul of teacher really made me feel bad leaving the kids alone in school like that. Some of them still need my guidance. Some of them was sad when they knew that I was leaving them. Some of them were lost..Some of them sms me telling me that no one is teaching them at the moment. I wish I really could help them. But nothing can be done.

I got to focus on my goal. I hope that they will get guidance from some good teachers one day. I wish I will be there to help them. I will always remember them. Truly miss the kids!!

About this blog

Copyright 2009 - ~rhythm of life~

Blogspot Theme designed by: Ray Creations, Ray Hosting.