~rhythm of life~

life is full of uncertainty..today i may be close with you, tomorrow i may not know you at all... we may be good friend, things can change, in a blink of an eye, i may find you like a stranger, talking to you, without any feelings... i truly hate this kind of feelings, we used to be very good friends, laughing together, working so hard together, doing all crazy things together... this short good friendship, i truly miss, but, i m not sure, whether it will remain the same forever... i got to be strong, no matter what happen, i still believe, we are good partners in studies... missing you, like missing my twins in my studies... i got to be realistic, of what i m doing... i can't rely on you all the time which i wish to be. i need to be strong.. to face the truth.

i hope...
by tomorrow...
i will be strong again...

to leave all the unhappiness...
to the sea...
to forget all the miserable moments...
to handle my emotion wisely...

i need to be independent...
to stay calm...
to be who i m..
to walk on the stormy sea...
to prove that i can survive...

this feeling,
is always miserable,
lost...

there was a time...
where we used to chat...
so frequently...

now..
we are far apart...
i could not hear from u at all...
not even your voice...

when we online..
there is no single minutes that we can chat that much...

we are from different part of the world,
many things divide us...
from connecting to each other...

we are truly different...

crazy things that we did,
will remain in my heart...

i wish i could focus after this....truly hope that.....

it is a long wait...
96 hours..
for me to know your condition...

the first thing u want to tell me...
is not to check on me...
or to ask about me...
but to get the details to send me something...

i was truly surprised...
u have changed...
to be a stranger for me...

why did u do that...

i missed your phone calls so many times...
after waiting for your call for sometimes,
i did not place my mobile phone beside me..
i gave up waiting for you...

i m truly heart broken..
our friendship is not that strong anyway...
you promise me so many things before this....

i love beach,

我想我真的失望。。
我真的不相信我们的友情了。。
这一切都是谎言。。
我等了很久。。你的来电。。

今天，
我不等了。。
也不想听您的声音了。。
也不会电邮您了。。。

我的天真。。
一直想您会打给我。。
但，
您好像消失了。。
没有您的消息。。
我一直期待。。
每一天都在算您离开了多久。。。
您根本都不联络我。。。
难道我真的连朋友都不值吗？
你的诺言我真的不敢再相信了。。。

我不期望什么。。
只想您报平安。。
那我才安心。。

我对您没信心了。。
真的。。
很伤心。

我还是
会祝福您和家人开心团聚在一起。。。

I have been thinking to go to beach for such a long time,
thinking to go with my best friend after the exam...
but it did not happen as what i want...
i ended going there with my friends that i met at library...

it was an unplanned journey,
just happened suddenly..
in the morning..
and i decided to go to relax...
and forget everything that makes me sad...
just to listen to the sound of waves,
allow the waves to take away all the problems that i have in my mind and my heart...

Today,
it is a special day for me,
with my special friends,
who made my day so enjoyable...

deep in my heart..
i am truly depressed...
feeling unhappy...
but, now..
i am truly released...

i shouted all my anger and sadness out as loud as i could when i was at the jet ski...
i let go of everything in my heart..
i took out every single unhappy feeling in my heart...
shouted out as loud as i could while riding jet ski on the sea...
with my friends..
it was really a wonderful moment...

i truly afraid at the beginning...
i shouted for so long...
"no, no, no...stop , stop ,stop"
"it's enough! I have no energy!"
i keep shouting and shouting...
oh my god..i really can't take it at all....

fifteen minutes is like fifteen hours for me on the sea,
i wish to return to the beach at that time,
it is really too scary for me..
i m feeling insecure...
worried that i might fall and drown in the sea....

at last i managed to ride the jet ski,
one thing i released,
i released everything unhappy feeling in me...
i knew it was tough, scary to be on the sea,
as i could not swim at all,
but i still hold on as tight as i could,
to survive..not to fall in the sea...because i want to live...
no matter how strong the wave is,
i will struggle just to stay on the jet ski,
i tried so hard to hold on to my friend,
my hands were numb,
but i still stay on the jet ski..
it was truly adventurous for me for the first time in my life..

along the way back, we laugh and laugh...
lots of funny incident happened,
Moein jumped into the sea while Lawend was riding jet ski,
it was so funny to hear them talking and laughing...
because i did not expect that Lawend will make Moein jumped into the sea unexpectedly,
i wish i could see that funny incident...
i am thankful as i didn't fall into the sea..
if not, i would have panic and drown..
anyway,
it is really amazing to be the guys....

i have not been laughing so long in these few days...
too many unhappy thoughts in my mind..
with lot problems...
i did not expect that my day can be so wonderful today...

thank you, my friends, for the wonderful moments!!

我想。。
是时候不该相信您的诺言了。。
我该放下了。。
你真的不会打给我了。。
我不想等了。。
等你的电话真的很累。。很累。。
很想哭。。也哭不出来了。。。

listening to my favourite song,
which reminds me of you...
waiting for your phone calls..
to ensure that you have reached safely..

i woke up extremely late,
without thinking about exam and anything,
but my head is extremely heavy..
it was aching...

looking at my watch..
it was nearly eleven morning..
thinking that you may reach soon...
waiting for your phone calls...

i have been holding my handphone by my side...
wherever i go..
worrying that i will miss a call...

but...
it did not ring at all...
i have been waiting for almost two hours...

i could not do anything at the moment...
just looking at the photo at your gave me...
remind me of good memories...
hoping that you will reach safely...

perhaps,
you have gathered with your family members...
the excitement that you had...
to meet your adorable sons and family members....
you may forget to inform me about your arrival..

i shall forgive you..
i understand this feelings...
tiredness with excitement...
it is common for u to forget...
and inform about your arrival..

the only thing i could do,
praying that u could arrive safely...
gathering with your family members...
the happiness will reveal on your face...
to gather with your family members...
where you have been looking forward in the past few months..
it would be more than enough for me...

i shall put my handphone aside....
and feel your excitement in my heart...

once upon a time, a girl sent her brother back to his country. She tried to hold on her emotion...she just left him by waving to each other.

31 December 2012,

these special moments,